Memory & Meaning

My identity has evolved credit to the past. It’s a story that is in progress. The wrinkles on my forehead are not just lines caused by the sun but of the time that aged me. I am the only storyteller of my life.

In this broken world I am trying to remain who I am. Grounded and authentic. Yet mould that story of my life with intent.

Memory is not just information from the lived life it has Meaning !

I know the promising potential in memory !

Heel Down

Today I did arm exercises. Grip and pull. Position. My trainer instructed hip out. Heel down.

It brought a smile. Remembering those days 2 decades ago when 🏹 his observations caught me unawares. 

“You are not walking in correct posture!” Me with my PCOS tummy, my posture has always been lacking perfection. How could I tell him that. He in those times would have concluded she is just eating too much or the wrong things, I would have thought. But he would say eat but also exercise. I was not into exercise at the time until I signed up for the weekend training camp that I mentioned about. 

Then he showed me how to walk in the passsage outside our Tuesday meeting place. Heel down. He said that gives  a firm grounding and correct posture. Remove your slippers, walk and show. I followed his instructions. Always teaching and correcting me. 

When I am consciously walking even today his voice echoes to surprise me out of the blue, Heel down!

Note: Day 2: 9.30pm Felt the energy. Re-occurrence. Deep connection. 

My Krishna

When I have made him my Krishna, I can imagine anything! 

But here are some facts about him 🏹

1. He is a sadhu. Unaffected by worldly things. 

2. Never scrambles to the stage even after his contribution in Corporate nor Charity. I have pictures of him sitting far behind in the inaugural ceremony of Aadiriyedath though everything is named after his daughter. His Dad was at the front. 

3. At work too even when he was in his mid 30s never ever craved for attention. Never liked to pose for pictures for his accomplishments on job. 

4. Always put his team first.

5. Never waited to listen to praise.

6. He is very gentle, soft spoken, caring. I have received a lot of it. 

7. At home he is just a son. His Dad did not know his job profile or post until I told him. When his Dad visited my home along with younger son, both highly qualified wonder how they never asked him, they listened with rapt attention about 🏹 achievements at work ! My Dad was present at the time too.

8. His Dad immediately knew how much I was in love with his son. Whatever his Dad told me privately later about his own son when I went to see him off to the car was very nasty 🤐 I relayed it to 🏹 immediately and I was distanced! HARD FACT. This is him too! I am still hurt about it 😓 

9. He has amnesia. Promised calls are not made ! 😡

10. His nakshatra says that soon that amnesia will go away and there will be 🌱

Influences

Who you love always influences your thinking !

There was a time when 🏹 had said to train for the 2 Oct Marathon our Company organised. He said I will also come. That was a ploy! 

I joined the training 3 months ahead. Started commuting from my Bank colony home to Sarjapur every weekend morning. Arjun Devaiah the international athlete and sprinter was our trainer at the time. He motivated a lot and kept the training a lot of fun. I enjoyed all the rough games. In one such practice session I hurt my knee. He immediately gave me first aid massage and spray. Then I would do just the lighter exercises. He told me don’t be under pressure to run. That 🏹 is a long time marathoner. Don’t do like him. He came only once after his practice run of 35kms. Never for our sessions. Arjun said even if you walk on the final day I will be happy as your trainer!

I did jog for 5kms on the D day inspite of the injury. 🏹 did the Marathon almost to the last and on a speed breaker he injured himself and ended up with a ligament tear that year. Else like every past year He would have won it !

I used to have a very beautiful picture of 🏹 clicked by the official photographer from that marathon in action. When I showed it to him in the company news he didn’t care for it much. He is such a Sadhu! But I would have atleast appreciated the photographer’s skill. These are the things I disliked about him. 

One day years later in my anger I deleted it. I miss seeing it now. I should have preserved it to send it to him at 60 !

Last Oct exactly on the 2nd I slipped at home while vacuuming. It was a nightmare to say the least I had a spine fracture! 

Fortunately I have one of the best doctors in the metro. He had done spine surgery for Dad in 2021. So I knew I was getting the best treatment. What followed was 3 months of bed rest, 6 months of hormone therapy and recovery. After which Doc advised to start strength training. Due to the lack of stability in my life I was not able to start for few months.

Yet again a challenge by D who has always been our confidante. She said keep yourself fit. She knows exactly what to say to me 🥰 to take inspiration from 🏹 Yes he is very well preserved even now ! 

Like magic 🪄 it worked. I have joined the gym and enjoying it. My fear of machines has vanished and I am enjoying my workouts. It helps that the trainer is really good and pushes me to step up ! 

P.S : My wellness journey started after Dad passed away in June 2021. I had lost purpose in life. Was at the worst health situation. Yet I knew that I have to take care of myself as I was alone and no one to care for me.

I first signed up with a functional nutritionist, Janaki. She is a family friend. Lost almost 6kgs weight. It wasn’t even my goal. 

Then until Oct 2025 I was doing CrossFit with a trainer Bhumika Patil who is also my relative. I actually started enjoying it all credit to her. 

So I have been on this wellness journey for 4 yrs now ! Though I had that break of 10 months after the fall. Else it would have been 5yrs.

Those were turbulent days

A pic of me eating my dabba at my desk from old times.

Those were turbulent days…

When 🏹 a loner started talking to me. I didn’t quite like him even though he was very handsome. To many he was a snob, not friendly, a closed person. It is the Outdoors that softened him and the sweet things he said made me love him. He is undoubtedly a kind heart I discovered. It is those numerous sweet gestures that fill my heart with joy n love even today! 

When I go back in time I had actually forgotten those hard days. I was going through a heartbreak and He was going through multiple problems in life. The loss of important papers by an irresponsible Financial institution. Loss of harmony. A young child and a corporate life filled with unpredictability. He was sleepless. 

When we talked it was always about our challenges and how to overcome them. He was not even eating properly back then. I spent so much time trying to talk to him and make him understand that sometimes we have to make choices and decisions. Now when I read those posts it feels draining ! 

I am really grateful to Shree Gondavalekar Maharaj for keeping me positive through my life ! Through all the storms. I may be worn out but still survive to tell my story…

 I didn’t want to write today but here I am. I wonder how much more I hold deep inside me!

Dushyant never wrote

I was looking for an image for this post. 

Today the thought is that I don’t have a single thing handwritten by 🏹

It’s so sad. In today’s world no one writes hand written notes then forget love letters.

Since we were computer users it was only emails. Plus we followed the protocol. I did break it only at the last. 

So when I googled I find only Shakuntala doing Patralekhan. Should I now go find a lotus leaf 🪷 ?

LoveLettersToM

📱 view

LoveLettersToM is a new label 🏷️ on the blog. 

In the mobile 📱 view you can choose from the drop down menu.

In the Web view it is the last tab on the navigation bar on top right.

This is the collection of memories of M & me written in 2026. It is the treasure trove I am leaving on this blog for M. Incase he ever reads it. 

He has everything he ever wanted. This is the only thing he would want and need when he is retired and sits quietly reflecting on life. Because He can never forget this ANJALI !

The old posts between 2008-2011 mentions W ( which is inverted M) a code I used in those times. I also mention Gulabi and Aadiriyedath. So much of real time history! 

I have some wonderful photos I took of him, young and handsome as ever in 2009. So many more from other times. One particular from the milestone when we took the car delivery. A Precious Sweet memory. If I did not have that picture this whole history would be turned invalid by my own friends.

Who knows what is in the future ?  Until then I will keep writing as I recall. 

Onam Ashamsakal

Onam Ashamsakal 🏹 M🌹 my love !

I worked out today and was so tired so rested in the afternoon but made sure I cleaned the home. Lit the lamp and made a small pookalam. 

Today Onam celebration was unusual. No Ona Sadya like I do every year. I did wear white for the Kerelam theme though. No matter how many people I am surrounded by you are always on my mind. 🥹

Hope you had a good one. 

I AM AUDACIOUS

Yeah I AM AUDACIOUS ! At my age of 56 I DARE TO DREAM.

Flash back…

So with all the attention I received from 🏹🌹I was so thrilled ! 

Until his Dad’s visit home everything seemed smooth. After that he started to distance from me. 

It is not that I did not see his faults before. He was an introvert rarely spoke to anyone. Inspite of being excellent at technology he rarely spoke in meetings unlike me 😉 One day he even said to me know where to spend effort 😬

He avoided crowded cafeterias and was always among the first one to go for lunch. I would know exactly where to find him 😇 if not my jasoos always sent me clues. There was a junior S who admired him and we both went in search of him sometimes just to get his company 🥰 S would ask for tips on health and sports I would gape at 🏹

He has got angry at me for landing at his corner on a whim. Another time for forcing him to eat something beyond his exposure of foods. He liked a clean desk so I always had to be careful not to stain it. Else I was handed out a napkin to clean. 

BUT the FIRST most audacious thing that I did was to write to him an outpouring of my emotions, my dreams and life with him in the future…

Sadly you know the result !

I haven’t stopped being audacious as you can see. I called him up in 2021. No answer as he had spine surgery that time. Then again in 2024 when we spoke ! 

In my audacity, I challenge him to be decisive. Else what is the use of my audacity?

The Astrologer’s Grandson

There are just so many reasons to LOVE 🏹🌹. The most fascinating for me is his brain. 

He 🏹 would always take pride in saying he was like his grandfather, a respected astrologer in their native land.

🏹 is very mathematical in his thinking and so naturally attracted to astrology. In addition it’s in his DNA. They say genes skip generations. His Dad isn’t into astrology but 🏹 is very passionate about it. 

I know because he did my car comparatives back in 2009. Meticulously he worked on it. Gave me good advice when I thought of different options beyond the ones he compared and also updated me on new models after that. I still have that comparative sheet and our email exchange about it. 

Interestingly I happen to go through that treasure and it made me smile a lot. It has soft voices and emotions embedded in those. Memories of a shared closeness.

The grandson 🏹 of the astrologer loved to carry forward the legendary name. He gave me several options of Muhurats the auspicious times for taking the car delivery. 

He was part of everything from going to see the car models to doing test drives, booking and ofcourse accepting the delivery! Read here how thrilled I was that time. It is my precious memory now. 

{Why did he do it for me? He was already busy in his role at work. I was special to him ! }

मंतरलेले दिवस ते ! मी हट्ट धरला आणि त्याने पुरवला 😘😘😘

He expressed his fondness for me through many things. I am careful here with the words I am using. Because I cannot say things on his behalf right? I can only say what I experienced and for me that was an expression of LOVE! 

There were many ways he expressed himself. Some things I understood and other things I didn’t because I was inexperienced. This blog has documented everything and me a buddhu 🤪 took many years after to understand what it meant ! 

I remember being perplexed by something and I told D. She gently told me to be open to nature.

I digressed as usual. So coming back to astrology. It became such a part of my life for the few years when we were close. He would tell me when I should make strategic moves at work. When to lie low. When to allow the noise to fade out. For the first time in my life I was learning words like Rahu Kalam ! 

He taught me many things. How he loved teaching me about everything under the sun. Our discussions were always interesting never a dull moment. I had watched him become impatient with others if they did not grasp technology stuff. Never with me.

There was a time when I would even release my newsletters on muhurats suggested by 🏹

I would tell him that all time is good time as God has made it. According to Shree Gondavalekar Maharaj anything we start with remembering our Ishtha devata was a good time. I would follow 🏹 guidelines because it meant so much to him. 

He has proved now 2 decades later in several personal life events that he has been successful in applying astrology along with single minded focus and dedication to achieve material success!

It makes him such a great strategist. Not for nothing his mathematical brain has done so many innovations for the world. ⚫️ 

Inspite of rising up he remains the most humble. He is still the same.

I revered him then and even more so now! 

I miss being around him terribly! 

Astrology Predictions

I was still in school when Mahadeo Kaka’s friend Sudhir Mhatre read my palm ✋🏽 and made predictions. He had a proven record of perfect predictions made about Devaki Kaki. So kaka asked him to study my palm ✋🏽 

After 40yrs I can say they were very precise. 

So in a way I can say I know my future too in one aspect. That gives me assurance. 

In the other aspect I think 🤔 it is open ended. 

I am wondering 🤔 if 🏹 studied my birth chart too?

3 Tea bags

Image from the internet

That pic is so close to my memory of 🏹🌹 making tea for me. One day he said come I will take you to a special place. So when we got there he said let me make tea for you. I make good tea ! 

He took 3 teabags poured hot water over it, steeped the bags till a nice fragrant aroma filled us and a golden brew was made. Adding some hot milk. Stirred the sugar in after asking me how much? Then handed the white cup with the rainbow flower logo into my hands. Let’s go down to the balcony he said. 

In the corner we stood talking about our lives. About the challenges we faced and how we were coping. I still remember he was wearing a light grey shirt and a darker grey cotton pant. I was wearing a white salwar kurta with a gossamer chunni. That balcony overlooked an amphitheater lined with palms. In the morning when not many people were around in the campus it was very beautiful. Still carrying the morning mist, cool breeze blowing against our warm skin. Goosebumps.

I want it all over again. 

This is a memory I cherish. In life 🏹 is the only man who made tea for me other than my Dad !

Emotions don’t lie

A voice is a great carrier of emotions 🖤

The way you say his name 🏹🌹immediately connects to the heart ♥️ makes him into a puddle. 

The change from a formal to a quiver in his voice gives away a decade plus of pent up emotions. There is no way anyone can hide it. 

It is an assurance the body gives to both the spark is still alive ✨

I remember how calm I felt after that conversation. It was just so magical 🌹

He updated me about his life at work. I was outdated on that front. Then he told me about his spine surgery. That his daughter is now a doctor. She took care of him when he had spine surgery. That his dad is aging gracefully. That he wanted to meet me. We don’t mouth the obvious words when you feel it deeply. No? 

The following couple of calls over 2 days when we were trying to meet sadly he was in HYD when I was almost flying out of  BLR.

I even offered to return and I will do it anytime to see him. 

Longing. Praying to see him soon.

Love Needs No Permission

A core memory from Aug 2008

Love needs NO PERMISSION. 

Did he ask me when he said something to me on the trek that night ?

I held back. 

But once I accepted my feelings I did NOT need his permission to LOVE him.

D says it has to be mutual. Right mutual when it goes beyond the mind and dreams and becomes physical. 

Well when you are two people who don’t take it there on a whim. It stays in the dreams.

A case of being too good, compliant individuals of social norms. 

Such people struggle thru life. We only learn SELF CONTROL. 

Let it SHINE

We are destined to be together in the UNIVERSE.

Let the inner light SHINE.

Give because it is your Nature

My name is ANJALI and that has lent its characteristics to me as a person. 🤲🏽 those are the offering palms. 

It is easy to give I feel. It’s second nature for me to GIVE. 

Resistance takes more effort right ? 

You want to GIVE but you are holding it back. How hard that is ! 

Even Dams that hold hectares of water have to allow overflows sometimes…

Readapting Learnings

That is my debonair Dad !

Hard to follow in his footsteps. What he achieved in life is really remarkable. He was an administrator with MH Govt. He was also a certified Yoga therapist from Kaivalyadham college in Lonavala. Had a parallel Yoga practice. In the mornings he taught yoga to the crème la crème of Mumbai in 1970-80s. Co-founded MH govt’s Yoga Kendra for employees and ran it for 2 decades till in service. Plus came home and helped me with studies. How did he manage so much?

How I hated Dad being so busy. He was extremely disciplined in eating, health and managing time. I did not want to work so hard ever. From him I learnt to earn enough and retire early. I hated his clock work lifestyle!

It is said we fall in love with a man of the same kind as our Dad 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ahem ! That is exactly how 🏹 is !!!

If both of them ask me what did you learn from us? 

It will be this…

1. Create time slots for every thing you want to do in a day or on weekends and holidays.

2. Do everything you like. Duties, hobbies, experiences etc.

3. Minimum social interaction.

4. High performing. Something I limited in my life.

5. Dad was debonair 🏹 needs to buckle up 😉

6. Most importantly both focused single minded on health. I am a black sheep🙅🏻‍♀️

7. Dad ate little but loved his sweets. His mantra was eat 80% of stomach full. 🏹 He doesn’t like to eat. His famous dialogue is “eat to live”. 

8. Both are spiritual but different paths.

{Dad loved me and was my support till his last breath. 

🏹 did not choose me. I can never forgive his Dad for coming to my home and jeopardising whatever we had between us while maintaining a halo 😇 That’s a fact ! Yet that didn’t change my feelings. They have stayed intact till date. His Dad should regret his actions. Yes I am able to say this now after 2 decades of suffering.}

In recent years I have lost all the discipline I ever had. So I have decided to bring back structure in my life. I have decided to socialise more because I need it. So I have joined a culture club through which I get to attend music events, wonderful lectures, poetry sessions etc. It is now 13 years since I take up assignments only if I enjoy doing them which is rare. I flip between well dressed and casual. Will try to follow Dad in that matter. Got back to CrossFit and will stay on it for my own good🤞🏽Eating is indulgence for me. What to do NO ONE LOVES ME ? 😿 It’s hardest to change my relationship with food. 

READAPT LIKE THE RIVER IN ITS FLOW. 

What I learnt from my life?

What life has taught me?

Happiness is within. I am a happy person.

I was just in 4th standard when I remember my Dad took us, Aai n me to Gondavale. Ever since Shree Gondavalekar Maharaj’s teaching have guided us. 

My father went to Malad for 25 years to listen to Professor K V Belsare’s lectures on Dnyaneshwari and Shree Maharaj. What he listened to he would come home and share with us. Dad read the daily pravachan and Shree’s biography every year during Punyatithi Utsav. 

Professor KVB lovingly addressed as Belsare at first and then over the years as Baba Belsare was a professor of Logic & Philosophy in Mumbai. We were blessed to have him as mentor. It continues through his several books and literature. 

This has been a HUGE influence in my life. 

There have been incidents that made me dejected and sad but I am still able to have a happy heart. 

I have lost my Aai, Husband and Dad to death. Especially Dad is my biggest loss! 

I have lost relatives due to our differences in thinking.

I have had heartbreaks. People blame those who suffer multiple heartbreaks. But don’t realise that even in arranged marriages the boy and girl goes through a process of meeting MULTIPLE alliances before settling for one. It is the same in LOVE. The whole process is about finding compatibility by elimination!

I have seen both matchmaking and LOVE. I recommend LOVE. Trust me traditional matchmaking was a terrible experience NO GIRL should go through!!!

Being the woman that I am my father always told me I don’t require a man !

Obviously he meant men who came from regressive backgrounds. 

In my life my choice of men changed over time. First I tried to fit in. Then I knew exactly what I wanted. Yet when I married I accepted things that were very regressive initially BUT I worked on changing things. My husband changed slowly. Accepting what was right. It was also because of the commitment I had in our husband-wife relationship. Else it isn’t easy to change old habits.

That is how life is lived. Fix things and keep the work in progress. Nothing is permanent or a line carved in stone. 

I myself have evolved over time. At the core I am a seeker of happiness. 

Materialistically especially in school we were taught to choose a rich man and we were trained to be a good wife, keep a beautiful home, cook every ones favorite food, entertain and breed children. I realise now, how regressive that was ! 

I never was like that. I chose intelligent men. Men who made their own life better. Who knew how to live. In marriage somethings were not true nor were they perfect. I knew what I had chosen so there was no chance to complain. We worked on the challenges. 

Who ever I loved in my life have a lasting influence. Undeniably they were part of my life. I don’t understand how people deny having past lives? 

I identify with a sunflower 🌻 always facing the sun and blooming. Finding my happiness even after episodes of sadness. They are but only episodes right?

Like recently was listening to Prof K V Belsare’s discourse where he narrates Shree Maharaj saying, “There  is absolutely NO reason to be sad in life. If you are unhappy then it should be about FORGETTING GOD !”

I am truly blessed I have such a mentor who continues to guide me even after his passing away in 1998. I have been fortunate to have got his blessing and one on one time which has left an indelible impact on me. 

🙇🏻‍♀️🌹🙇🏻‍♀️🌹🙇🏻‍♀️🌹

AND FINALLY when it’s not SPIRITUALITY it is RAJ YOG that I am lucky to enjoy ☺️ 😉

He is Precious

Born on 28 October 

Every one trying to tell me I am giving him too much value. 

I should know. He is Precious. 

The side of him that I have seen others have not seen.

He is the most humble person I have known. Inspite of actually doing a lot he always stays away from limelight.

I can sing endless praises but you will blame me of being biased.

I have received a lot of kindness. I don’t want to say anything more.

If I have not been able to forget him for 2 decades is it possible now ?

Life will go on. He will continue to dazzle the world.

In my corner I will continue to cheer him on the loudest !

Keeping him in my prayers always 🙏🏽🌹 

May he be protected from the evil eye. 🧿 

हळवं मन

I have been listening to a lot of music since past 2 months. Especially Marathi songs because they have beautiful meaning. While I had cried at the theatre after watching Bhirrr I have never really cried. 

Just now I was listening to these songs and I felt a warm tear roll down my cheek. Some memories some feelings and a longing to see him. 

I will continue writing ✍️ someday AI will find this and its intended recipient may read it. 

I won’t say it here. It’s only for your ears 🏹🌹