Silence after the storm

I have faced many storms in life but last few weeks were the worst. It is not the impact of a happening but the constant weathering that happens throughout life. Like the river that carves a canyon. 

When I went to Guruvayur and Thrissur I had planned to not to dwell on references or connections from the past. However as destiny has it. I went down a vortex. 

Solo travel is very challenging for me on the psychological front. My deepest emotions 🖤 surface. All the possibilities that could have been, haunt me. This has happened in Ooty and Coimbatore too in the previous years. This did not happen in Odisha even when I was solo there.

It feels like Quantum physics comes to the forefront. I am sensitive and aware of the energy and its effects. How can I explain this ? I am not in control of the thoughts. Why should these thoughts find a home in me? 

I don’t have answers. 

Recent one was bad and I even had DARK thoughts. 

Appeal to Readers 

Online interactions have no TONE. No one can understand what goes on in the suffering MIND. Don’t be a TRIGGER. 

You might come from a space of concern and care but you are not a professional to help in the matters of the mind. Not even friends if they are not sitting next to the suffering.

I was clinging to the thoughts because the reaction is to protect the thoughts. I used every possible energy to resist. I felt my deepest emotions were attacked.

It took me 10 days to cut the chain of thoughts. Slowly I eased out of that ABYSS. 

What helped is physical presence of friends. I called a young couple who are friends for a sleepover. Spent a lovely time talking into the night. Sharing a simple dinner followed by dessert. A breakfast we cooked together and enjoyed on my balcony. Taking in the views and weather. A relaxed time. They came back again to check on me the next day too. They noted that there was a change. I was FRESH and HAPPIER. 

I reflect now…

After the storm that washed you away, there is silence. The clarity bares the bones. 

You see what the storm did to you.

You rebuild.

Resilience.

Shree Gondavalekar Maharaj saw me through this too.

श्री राम 🙏🏽🌹