Silence after the storm

I have faced many storms in life but last few weeks were the worst. It is not the impact of a happening but the constant weathering that happens throughout life. Like the river that carves a canyon. 

When I went to Guruvayur and Thrissur I had planned to not to dwell on references or connections from the past. However as destiny has it. I went down a vortex. 

Solo travel is very challenging for me on the psychological front. My deepest emotions 🖤 surface. All the possibilities that could have been, haunt me. This has happened in Ooty and Coimbatore too in the previous years. This did not happen in Odisha even when I was solo there.

It feels like Quantum physics comes to the forefront. I am sensitive and aware of the energy and its effects. How can I explain this ? I am not in control of the thoughts. Why should these thoughts find a home in me? 

I don’t have answers. 

Recent one was bad and I even had DARK thoughts. 

Appeal to Readers 

Online interactions have no TONE. No one can understand what goes on in the suffering MIND. Don’t be a TRIGGER. 

You might come from a space of concern and care but you are not a professional to help in the matters of the mind. Not even friends if they are not sitting next to the suffering.

I was clinging to the thoughts because the reaction is to protect the thoughts. I used every possible energy to resist. I felt my deepest emotions were attacked.

It took me 10 days to cut the chain of thoughts. Slowly I eased out of that ABYSS. 

What helped is physical presence of friends. I called a young couple who are friends for a sleepover. Spent a lovely time talking into the night. Sharing a simple dinner followed by dessert. A breakfast we cooked together and enjoyed on my balcony. Taking in the views and weather. A relaxed time. They came back again to check on me the next day too. They noted that there was a change. I was FRESH and HAPPIER. 

I reflect now…

After the storm that washed you away, there is silence. The clarity bares the bones. 

You see what the storm did to you.

You rebuild.

Resilience.

Shree Gondavalekar Maharaj saw me through this too.

श्री राम 🙏🏽🌹

Perfect Blessing

Today's Reflection

The UNIVERSE knows what you need at the perfect time.

Never feel sad about what you did not receive.

May be you don't need it.

May be the time is not right.

The divine blessings are preserved for when you need it the most !

श्री राम 🌹🙏🏽

56th Birthday

I am 56yrs today. 

A time to reflect. Lived my life. Don’t want to go back to that time. Not to the darkness but towards light. 

Not having LOVE in my life is making me use that tenderness I feel to be applied to BHAKTI. 

If I can LOVE a human so deeply THEN that teaches me how deep I can go in SPIRITUALITY. 

भिर्रररर

Last night, I attended this wonderful play called भिर्ररर. It touched a chord in me. 

The story opens with introduction of the main character and her mind. The main character played by Janhvi and her mind given a human form played by Mayuri. The story has roots in a village called Abdul Laat, which survived historical invasion by building the facade of a masjid in front of a temple. 

This survival is the foundation on which भिर्ररर is built, through narrative, ओवी Ovis, movement. It is very sensitively told by Janhvi and Mayuri. Both actresses are dancers which brings fluidity, into not just the movements, but expression and what they build on stage for you to experience. It takes through the life of the woman. Her first broken dream of education, marriage, childbirth, aspirations and hope. Hope that persists.

It touches upon farmer death, the incapacity of a man to survive. While the woman stands up, faces the world, the changing gaze of society, patriarchy and still stands in the mud and blooms like a flower. Not just alone, but she builds a garden. Empowering women, other women, the way she knows. Adapting to the new world ! 

Many questions are asked and left for you to learn what is literacy and what is education ? To live life in a FLOW that is NATURAL. 

It ends on a very tender note where she rest just a bit to dream.

Go watch it ! 

My darling Janhvi Marathe who pours her heart and soul into a character. Sings beautifully and shines in folk which is her forte`. Love her timbre built on classical training and inherited musical genes.

Mayuri compliments equally well. Lithe performer. Carries herself well through the play. The story is her credit. 

The name भिर्ररर is quizzical just like the many हुमण / riddles they use. Go find the answer because you can’t guess it sitting at home. Be in the theatre. Next show in Andheri. 

A special mention for my dearest Trupti Marathe for opening the show with such brilliance that only a good soul can get to theatre when requested to fill in instantly !

Must mention about the venue. Shakti thank you for creating a space in your grandparents memory Jayshree & Jayant  Salgaokar Experimental theatre that allows young talent to bring such stories and performance.

Tickets 🎟️ 

https://in.bookmyshow.com/plays/bhirrrr/ET00505295

Scandalised

Do you understand the meaning of ILLICIT ? 

In a family there is a brother and sister. The brother is younger. 

The sister gets married into an EVIL family. During her divorce she is accused of ILLICIT relations with her younger brother. 

Great strategy to get a divorce no? 

What happens to the life of that girl ? What happens to the life of the brother?

SCANDALISED.

That EVIL family is STILL not done. They are now fighting for the inheritance of Brother - Sister’s family.

I wonder what these people are made of? 

In The Beginning There Was Bombay Duck

Like good friends who spot me on TV and never forget to send me a screengrab. Poonam sent a picture of the book she was reading when she found me mentioned in the pages. In The Beginning There Was Bombay Duck by Pronoti Datta. 

In 2023 Pronoti the author of this book interviewed me and over a few more interactions she tried to understand a bit about Koli food, culture, anthropology and my personal history.

I requested her to send me a signed copy of it. She promptly sent it. Thank you🌷 

It’s 26 yrs ago someone had taunted me शेवटी जातीवरच जाणार! I quietly keep doing what I have to. Leaving an imprint on this globe 🌏 👣 👣 👣

P.S : Nudging other writers who have used my inputs to send me their books, media, research papers etc after publication. I shouldn’t have to ask no?

The Curse of the Hutatma

जय महाराष्ट्र 🙏🏽

This is the statue of "Martyrs carrying a Flame" in the Fort precinct next to the Flora Fountain. A dedication to the lives laid down for a unified Maharashtra along with Mumbai!

My head bows to them who fought for a Marathi speaking Mumbai to be integrated with rest of Maharashtra.

These Hutatma foiled the evil intentions of politicians to create an independent Mumbai city.

Mumbai prides itself for letting people earn a living here in this city but its soul is undeniably Marathi and nothing can change that!

———————————————————

There is a personal story attached to the Hutatma chowk. 

When I look back at my Cooper family history I see the family has suffered severely. The walls of this house wailed of grief and pain even when I got married into this family.

1. A young Behram kaka leaving home and dying in London.

2. Inspite of he being a social worker and reformer. He founded the Student’s lending library, the DPYA school and the Perviz hall for widows. Adi my father inlaw had a heart attack and fell on the road.

3. Grandmother inlaw Arnavaz after loosing her 2 sons and my mother inlaw Chandan after her husband died in depression. 

4. Aban went through divorce, daughter was kidnapped by husband. She went into severe depression due to being separated from daughter and a broken marriage. Dying in transit while returning from a holiday in Panchgani when she was not even 50 !

5. My husband Ardaviraf who died of heart failure at the age of 51.

I was wondering why ? 

The connection I see is this…

I never knew I would marry into a family that was connected to the Morarji administration. My grandfather inlaw M P Cooper was Secretary to the CM.

The 1955 massacre of 106 demonstrators of Samyukta Maharashtra chalval were fired upon. Those are the Hutatma and that is the chowk in their memorial.

On 1 May 1960 Maharashtra state was formed.

Leaving out villages from Karnataka that spoke Marathi like Belgav, Bidar, Karwar etc. Later in 1969 when there was a fight for linguistic borders to be included Morarji ran his car over demonstrators killing 2.

Every year on this day I seek forgiveness on behalf of COOPER FAMILY even though no one is alive anymore from those that were killed and harmed. Their families that were affected by this inhumane act.

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Sattu Sharbat

Please ignore my hand it is stained since I peeled pomegranates.

It’s been a struggle with shedding weight I gained since October. Prescribed bed rest meant no exercise and a high protein diet just added more weight. Wondering if all of it it went to muscle mass or fat in some proportion? 

While I travelled I ate everything including sweets but never over ate anything. I took care of my gut. However after coming back I had weird feelings. 

Light meal for dinner. सत्तू का शरबत. For the rescue!

This is a summer favourite in UP-Bihar where I was doing pilgrimage couple of weeks ago. It has a ton of benefits. 

It aids digestion, promotes weight loss by keeping you full, acts as a natural summer coolant, and provides sustained energy.

How I made it?

1/2 cup roasted chana

Grind it.

Add one peeled small onion to the mixer

Salt to taste. Black preferably.

Handful of Fresh green Dhaniya. 

Grind again to fine powder. 

Mix curd and water and use मथनी to churn it. 

I did not add green chili but go for it if you like spice in your drink.

TODI MILL FANTASY

On Saturday evening I watched this fantastic satire TODI  MILL FANTASY. 

1. Well written script. Fast faced. 

2. It’s a musical. I went for it because I love musicals. This was excellent. It traverses a lot of genres from Rap, folk to qawali literally ! Kudos to the band 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

3. It’s the story of lost identity, homes, jobs and struggles of the Mill workers of Girangaon. It is that story of Mumbai where even today the mill workers haven’t received justice. I have been witness to the morchas that blocked the roads in Kalaghoda. As a child when I walked past the Datta Samant led morchas when walking to and fro to school my heart ached for them. They would sit there thru the hot summers and monsoons. In the end they had to sell their homes and the children’s lives were ruined. 

4. The actress maintained really good bearing. All the actors were top notch. Amya is a notable singer. They really made you react to the dark comedy 😩

5. Appeals to the youth of today.

6. This entire troupe deserves a hat tip. 👩‍✈️

7. It did feel influenced by Phantom of the Opera due to the set and costume. But that’s just the beginning. 

Don’t miss this very contemporary drama. Go watch wherever it plays 🔥🔥🔥

Living Queen Size Before I Go

Some homes take your sweat, some your blood and some your life! 

Only you know what you give to it.

My palace

Lwing Queen size before I go.

अक्षय तृतीया २०२६

On this day of अक्षय तृतीया I pray for a full life, filled with happiness and joy. Of many travels and fulfilled wishes. If my heart stops I don’t want to be revived. Anyways I live alone. So that is a moot point. श्री राम 🙏🏽🌹

Steamed Dhoma

Steamed ढोमं or Croaker. 

Since I have started eating fish. I mostly made fried fish or curried it. Today since these Dhomi plural for Dhoma were whole and ideal for steaming I tried it. 

I was not sure how they would taste? In the back of my mind I was thinking of the phrase नासकं ढोमं which in Koli is used for people who are not accepting to love. 

The croaker lent well to this treatment. The flesh was tender yet flaky. Will use this idea more often instead of frying ❣️

Here is this super simple recipe. 

Ingredients 

2 Dhomi / Croakers

1/4 teaspoon of Koli masala

2 teaspoons of mustard oil

Salt

Salt the fish. Leave to absorb for 10 mins. 

Steam on a porous plate so the excess water doesn’t make the fish soggy. 10 mins is good. 

To serve: place the steamed fish on the plate. 

Heat the mustard oil until smoky. Remove from heat. Add the Koli masala. Mix with a spoon to avoid burning and lumping. Pour quickly over the fish. Squeeze a lime over the fish to brighten up the flavours. 

Here you can do many variations with garlic, spring onions, curry leaves, cilantro and what not !

On the side add a salad. Today I just added lettuce. 

There is also a lovely sprouted masoor usal for a wholesome meal. 

Enjoy ! 

My cousin Akshay had brought these for me. They were extremely fresh. He delivers seafood so sharing his number here. Call 📱 98193 84328

The Usefulness of the Uselessness !

As a child who grew up in SOBO specifically in Colaba and Fort. I have always seeked the vastness of places. Holed up in a small home through the week meant spending weekends playing on Bombay Gymkhana lawns.

The seashore of Thal. Vastness of sea and serenity like no other place. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder truly.

I read something powerful on a post. 

The Usefulness of the Uselessness ! 

I understand now well why I did not like the Coastal road from Marine drive to Worli. When man builds in concrete while you marvel at the Engineering. It does NOT warm your heart. 

While wide expanses of land which we call wastelands are so useful. They are habitats for migratory birds and home to several species of animals. 

Everything need not be built up. I don’t even like manicured gardens. I rather soak up in the beauty of an unkempt garden. 

We can have a Balance like Odisha. Manicured gardens on the sidewalks of Bhubaneswar and wilderness of the Chilika which is protected. They have got it right 👏🏽

 Good example to emulate.

How it heals the soul !

No need of ghats or wharfs