देव घरा आयलेन

🙏🏽🌺 ॥ गणपती बाप्पा मोरया ॥ 🌺🙏🏽

सुखकर्ता दुखहर्ता वार्ता विघ्नाची
नूर्वी पूर्वी प्रेम कृपा जयाची

देवा तुला माझे मनांचं कलते नी? 

आम्हानं दरी हान.

दर्या सागरा गत खोल जीव गुतलाय माझा त्याच्यान.

एक संगे डोकरं कर.

तुला मांजी दया नाय काय?

मांझा यो वनवास कंवं खपेल देवा ? 

Why no action?

Do we have the eyes to see the Vishwaroop?

There is something called Destiny. It is written before you are born. I am a Krittika nakshatra born. I hide my feelings at first. Later being direct. 🏹 He is soft and believes is expressing through care. His nature is to take care and be a problem solver. He is resilient. Strongly believes in doing things righteously, with integrity and spirituality. 

I have studied both our Nakshatra over the years. They are so mathematical and the characteristics match exactly to how our lives have unfolded until now. Nature does not mess with the designs of destiny. It unfolds exactly if we look back we understand it.

It was predicted that my marriage will last for only 2 yrs when I was in school itself. It lasted exactly for 2 yrs 10 months. 

🏹 place in my life is longer so we did not come together in marriage before. Destiny has kept him away from me. 

He being resilient has a renewal written in his life about many things. Like winning his consumer rights case. It is a landmark case. 

There has been a focus on what he wants aligned with his destiny and astrological configurations. He is destined for big things. He knew it even at 35. That is my dream for him too !

Every thing happens in time. NO ONE CAN STOP IT!

All I can do is SURRENDER 🙇🏻‍♀️

🙏🏽श्रीराम 🌹 श्रीगोंदवलेकर महाराज🌹🙏🏽

Winds of Change

In June first week I was on pilgrimage in Guruvayur and Thrissur. 

It brought back a past memory when the Trustee of Aadiriyedath that is 🏹 His Dad had offered to take me there. He said it’s the big Shiva mandir where Pooram happens. I was clueless. I didn’t go because I thought it was too rural for me. Frankly I would have gone with 🏹 if he would have said it. Why would I go with his Dad? That was 18 yrs ago in 2008.

(I have got more courage now to say openly. I did fear his strict Dad.)

This year it felt like a calling by Guruvayurappa 🦚 and Mahadev himself 🙏🏽🌸. The pilgrimage was divine. 

However what began there was the past came flooding not just my memories but 🖤 emotions 🖤 that had been suppressed for almost two decades. 

If you read this post on Instagram I was only reflecting like during the pilgrimage. Which is normal. 

After I came back those emotions just took me over. That is also the time someone was acting fresh with me. When someone does that I just become obsessed with 🏹 so I had to protect myself. He is my shield. 

What followed was months of torturous thoughts.

Now there are winds of change !

1. Stronger urge for reunion with 🏹🌹M🖤 I wonder and feel surprised how I can feel so deeply?
2. I resumed CrossFit. Ofcourse he is my inspiration!
3. Brought in a new advisor.
4. The house is renovated. I am now more positive and open armed for abundance. 
5. Praying Devi Laxmi 🪷takes her seat in my home. 
6. Resumed my Riyaz  of  Hindustani classical and Marathi Sugam Sangeet. I have a limited range yet being able to resume singing is a joy in itself. 
7. Enjoying my culture club events. 

When the winds change and bring a soothing breeze …

What makes the Annites !

A picture which holds so much significance in the world of St.Annes, Fort alumni. 

We stand for integrity!

This is to remind the women of St. Annes about their upbringing and not cheat other Annites.

पूर्ण कुंभ

Setting up the पूर्ण कुंभ 🙏🏽🌹

Marking a new beginning. 

The old has passed the new comes in. Like the seasons there is change. After absolute destruction a new life takes form.

I have a very strong intuition. It is always beneficial when I give in to its guidance. It is marked by joy in the moment. Like I am the receptacle for benevolence. Filled with love and a fertile heart. Open to growth.

Verse 1

न कर्मणा न प्रजया धनेन त्यागेनैके अमृतत्वमानशुः ।

परेण नाकं निहितं गुहायां विभ्राजते तद्यतयो विशन्ति ॥ १ ॥

na karmaṇā na prajayā dhanena tyāgenaike amṛtatvamānaśuḥ |

pareṇa nākaṃ nihitaṃ guhāyāṃ vibhrājate tadyatayo viśanti || 1 ||

Verse 2

वेदान्तविज्ञानसुनिश्चितार्थाः संन्यासयोगाद् यतयः शुद्धसत्त्वाः ।

ते ब्रह्मलोकेषु परान्तकाले परामृतात् परिमुच्यन्ति सर्वे ॥ २ ॥

vedāntavijñānasuniścitārthāḥ saṃnyāsayogād yatayaḥ śuddhasattvāḥ |

te brahmalokeṣu parāntakāले parāmṛtāt parimucyanti sarve || 2 ||

Verse 3

दहरं विपापं परमेश्मभूतं यत्पुण्डरीकं पुरमध्यसँस्थम् ।

तत्रापि दहरं गगनं विशोकस्तस्मिन् यदन्तस्तदुपासितव्यम् ॥ ३ ॥

daharaṃ vipāpaṃ parameśmabhūtaṃ yatpuṇḍarīkaṃ puramadhyasaṃstham |

tatrāpi daharaṃ gaganaṃ viśokastasmin yadantastadupāsitavyam || 3 ||

Verse 4

यो वेदादौ स्वरः प्रोक्तो वेदान्ते च प्रतिष्ठितः ।

तस्य प्रकृतिलीनस्य यः परः स महेश्वरः ॥ ४ ॥

yo vedādau svaraḥ prokto vedānte ca pratiṣṭhitaḥ |

tasya prakṛtilīnasya yaḥ paraḥ sa maheśvaraḥ || 4 ||

Memory & Meaning

My identity has evolved credit to the past. It’s a story that is in progress. The wrinkles on my forehead are not just lines caused by the sun but of the time that aged me. I am the only storyteller of my life.

In this broken world I am trying to remain who I am. Grounded and authentic. Yet mould that story of my life with intent.

Memory is not just information from the lived life it has Meaning !

I know the promising potential in memory !

Heel Down

Today I did arm exercises. Grip and pull. Position. My trainer instructed hip out. Heel down.

It brought a smile. Remembering those days 2 decades ago when 🏹 his observations caught me unawares. 

“You are not walking in correct posture!” Me with my PCOS tummy, my posture has always been lacking perfection. How could I tell him that. He in those times would have concluded she is just eating too much or the wrong things, I would have thought. But he would say eat but also exercise. I was not into exercise at the time until I signed up for the weekend training camp that I mentioned about. 

Then he showed me how to walk in the passsage outside our Tuesday meeting place. Heel down. He said that gives  a firm grounding and correct posture. Remove your slippers, walk and show. I followed his instructions. Always teaching and correcting me. 

When I am consciously walking even today his voice echoes to surprise me out of the blue, Heel down!

Note: Day 2: 9.30pm Felt the energy. Re-occurrence. Deep connection. 

Cancel Surround Sound

I am cutting out the Surround Sound. Any thing not aligned to my thinking is removed from my social media. Anyone not aligned to my way of life will also be removed from my network. I am loosing a lot of people. 

There are so many from my network who are trying their best to convey messages through different ways without being direct. I appreciate the support. 

Others call me mad. That I am.

Who loves anyone for the sake of love?

Felt The Energy

Science says you are in Alpha state and so subconscious brain process caused sudden dopamine spike.

It felt real. That there is emotional mirroring.

There is no need to rush to conclusions! 

Science is known information only. There is so much that is unknown beyond science!

My Krishna

When I have made him my Krishna, I can imagine anything! 

But here are some facts about him 🏹

1. He is a sadhu. Unaffected by worldly things. 

2. Never scrambles to the stage even after his contribution in Corporate nor Charity. I have pictures of him sitting far behind in the inaugural ceremony of Aadiriyedath though everything is named after his daughter. His Dad was at the front. 

3. At work too even when he was in his mid 30s never ever craved for attention. Never liked to pose for pictures for his accomplishments on job. 

4. Always put his team first.

5. Never waited to listen to praise.

6. He is very gentle, soft spoken, caring. I have received a lot of it. 

7. At home he is just a son. His Dad did not know his job profile or post until I told him. When his Dad visited my home along with younger son, both highly qualified wonder how they never asked him, they listened with rapt attention about 🏹 achievements at work ! My Dad was present at the time too.

8. His Dad immediately knew how much I was in love with his son. Whatever his Dad told me privately later about his own son when I went to see him off to the car was very nasty 🤐 I relayed it to 🏹 immediately and I was distanced! HARD FACT. This is him too! I am still hurt about it 😓 

9. He has amnesia. Promised calls are not made ! 😡

10. His nakshatra says that soon that amnesia will go away and there will be 🌱

Influences

Who you love always influences your thinking !

There was a time when 🏹 had said to train for the 2 Oct Marathon our Company organised. He said I will also come. That was a ploy! 

I joined the training 3 months ahead. Started commuting from my Bank colony home to Sarjapur every weekend morning. Arjun Devaiah the international athlete and sprinter was our trainer at the time. He motivated a lot and kept the training a lot of fun. I enjoyed all the rough games. In one such practice session I hurt my knee. He immediately gave me first aid massage and spray. Then I would do just the lighter exercises. He told me don’t be under pressure to run. That 🏹 is a long time marathoner. Don’t do like him. He came only once after his practice run of 35kms. Never for our sessions. Arjun said even if you walk on the final day I will be happy as your trainer!

I did jog for 5kms on the D day inspite of the injury. 🏹 did the Marathon almost to the last and on a speed breaker he injured himself and ended up with a ligament tear that year. Else like every past year He would have won it !

I used to have a very beautiful picture of 🏹 clicked by the official photographer from that marathon in action. When I showed it to him in the company news he didn’t care for it much. He is such a Sadhu! But I would have atleast appreciated the photographer’s skill. These are the things I disliked about him. 

One day years later in my anger I deleted it. I miss seeing it now. I should have preserved it to send it to him at 60 !

Last Oct exactly on the 2nd I slipped at home while vacuuming. It was a nightmare to say the least I had a spine fracture! 

Fortunately I have one of the best doctors in the metro. He had done spine surgery for Dad in 2021. So I knew I was getting the best treatment. What followed was 3 months of bed rest, 6 months of hormone therapy and recovery. After which Doc advised to start strength training. Due to the lack of stability in my life I was not able to start for few months.

Yet again a challenge by D who has always been our confidante. She said keep yourself fit. She knows exactly what to say to me 🥰 to take inspiration from 🏹 Yes he is very well preserved even now ! 

Like magic 🪄 it worked. I have joined the gym and enjoying it. My fear of machines has vanished and I am enjoying my workouts. It helps that the trainer is really good and pushes me to step up ! 

P.S : My wellness journey started after Dad passed away in June 2021. I had lost purpose in life. Was at the worst health situation. Yet I knew that I have to take care of myself as I was alone and no one to care for me.

I first signed up with a functional nutritionist, Janaki. She is a family friend. Lost almost 6kgs weight. It wasn’t even my goal. 

Then until Oct 2025 I was doing CrossFit with a trainer Bhumika Patil who is also my relative. I actually started enjoying it all credit to her. 

So I have been on this wellness journey for 4 yrs now ! Though I had that break of 10 months after the fall. Else it would have been 5yrs.

A Pink Rose

Today my bakery sent me a Pink Rose for no reason. It added some love to my day. 

Earlier I would have been skeptical about such gestures by commercial establishments. I would have called it gimmickry. 

Today felt it was lovely!

One must know their own needs. At the right age and time. We in Bharat after the British have become totally suppressive in our behaviour. Adults don’t understand their own feelings and suppress their own needs. It’s that Paap movie syndrome. As a child you have been told to suppress your emotions and needs because you are given a pedestal. Making it a virtue of suppressing emotions 🖤

One thing I learnt from my guest to know oneself well. To understand one’s feelings and needs. Growing up in a joint family we don’t consider the need for privacy, independent space, bodily needs. Everything is a mess! 

This guest has come from a different continent and with clarity about how to set up home for himself in a hostile city like Mumbai. 

1. Need of Independent space.

2. Needs love so will look for girl. He asked me where to meet a nice girl? I told him workplace is best as Common interest and BGV is done already. 

3. Needs support so will provide support. Truly good investment I say ! 

4. Home to be at a distance from work.

5. Will host parties for his white friends. Keeping in touch with his culture.

6. Assimilation in Indian culture. Appreciates eating with hand. The thoughts behind our traditions and religion. 

7. Follows his own beliefs though born Catholic. 

Methods work ! 

Like the pink rose my bakery sent. I feel valued as a customer.

Tired today !

Some days start tired!

I don’t think I have the energy anymore for living on my own. After taking care of everyone else and living alone for 8yrs now I am drained completely. 

While my Dad lived he was a great companion. Used to help me out and cook sometimes. We had other challenges. 

Marriage was majorly on my shoulders with Arvi keeping bad health. Atleast he was there to talk to. The good thing was we both worked from home at the time so we maxed on the time spent together. It was a good friendship. 

Those who can read between the lines would understand it’s been HARD. 

Money doesn’t comforts the soul. Last year even money was drained ! 

I have enough of a story no one would want to read. 

Yet I am grateful for whatever I have been given, experiences, love, loss and above all OPTIMISM !!!

But today I need someone to care for me. To tell me this is just a phase. This too shall pass. I had such simple dreams.

Those were turbulent days

A pic of me eating my dabba at my desk from old times.

Those were turbulent days…

When 🏹 a loner started talking to me. I didn’t quite like him even though he was very handsome. To many he was a snob, not friendly, a closed person. It is the Outdoors that softened him and the sweet things he said made me love him. He is undoubtedly a kind heart I discovered. It is those numerous sweet gestures that fill my heart with joy n love even today! 

When I go back in time I had actually forgotten those hard days. I was going through a heartbreak and He was going through multiple problems in life. The loss of important papers by an irresponsible Financial institution. Loss of harmony. A young child and a corporate life filled with unpredictability. He was sleepless. 

When we talked it was always about our challenges and how to overcome them. He was not even eating properly back then. I spent so much time trying to talk to him and make him understand that sometimes we have to make choices and decisions. Now when I read those posts it feels draining ! 

I am really grateful to Shree Gondavalekar Maharaj for keeping me positive through my life ! Through all the storms. I may be worn out but still survive to tell my story…

 I didn’t want to write today but here I am. I wonder how much more I hold deep inside me!

Dushyant never wrote

I was looking for an image for this post. 

Today the thought is that I don’t have a single thing handwritten by 🏹

It’s so sad. In today’s world no one writes hand written notes then forget love letters.

Since we were computer users it was only emails. Plus we followed the protocol. I did break it only at the last. 

So when I googled I find only Shakuntala doing Patralekhan. Should I now go find a lotus leaf 🪷 ?

LoveLettersToM

📱 view

LoveLettersToM is a new label 🏷️ on the blog. 

In the mobile 📱 view you can choose from the drop down menu.

In the Web view it is the last tab on the navigation bar on top right.

This is the collection of memories of M & me written in 2026. It is the treasure trove I am leaving on this blog for M. Incase he ever reads it. 

He has everything he ever wanted. This is the only thing he would want and need when he is retired and sits quietly reflecting on life. Because He can never forget this ANJALI !

The old posts between 2008-2011 mentions W ( which is inverted M) a code I used in those times. I also mention Gulabi and Aadiriyedath. So much of real time history! 

I have some wonderful photos I took of him, young and handsome as ever in 2009. So many more from other times. One particular from the milestone when we took the car delivery. A Precious Sweet memory. If I did not have that picture this whole history would be turned invalid by my own friends.

Who knows what is in the future ?  Until then I will keep writing as I recall. 

All Kinds of Love

I have loved so many people. Taken care of cousins, uncles and aunts but no one is in touch with me today. The cousins are manipulative. So I am keeping them at bay. 

I have not been successful in Romantic love in life. 

Yet there are few friends who stand strong with me. Always a phone call away and come over just so we can chat up. Aditya & Anushka have become घरचे now. Omkar drops by when he can. That breaks my forced मौन व्रत. 

Last 10 days I had a guest. This young man is what we call a genuine human being. Right from the first day I learnt how to live a conscious life from him. He is honest with his emotions. He is articulate and that gives a special touch to his honesty. He was always eager to help me. Appreciated every little thing I did for him. Took care never to encroach on my private space. He conducted himself so consciously that I felt safe. A day before moving out he cooked for me and a friend. We had a small dinner to celebrate his renting out an apartment of his own. He from a different continent. Gave me so much care and love. Makes me value this so much. I feel he is my son and today we celebrated Rakshabandhan. He said I want to do all of this for you! 🥹 

I don’t understand the ways of the Universe! 

Tijori.ai at IdeaBaaz

Proud of my cousin Prashant Dhonde ! 

Onam Ashamsakal

Onam Ashamsakal 🏹 M🌹 my love !

I worked out today and was so tired so rested in the afternoon but made sure I cleaned the home. Lit the lamp and made a small pookalam. 

Today Onam celebration was unusual. No Ona Sadya like I do every year. I did wear white for the Kerelam theme though. No matter how many people I am surrounded by you are always on my mind. 🥹

Hope you had a good one. 

I AM AUDACIOUS

Yeah I AM AUDACIOUS ! At my age of 56 I DARE TO DREAM.

Flash back…

So with all the attention I received from 🏹🌹I was so thrilled ! 

Until his Dad’s visit home everything seemed smooth. After that he started to distance from me. 

It is not that I did not see his faults before. He was an introvert rarely spoke to anyone. Inspite of being excellent at technology he rarely spoke in meetings unlike me 😉 One day he even said to me know where to spend effort 😬

He avoided crowded cafeterias and was always among the first one to go for lunch. I would know exactly where to find him 😇 if not my jasoos always sent me clues. There was a junior S who admired him and we both went in search of him sometimes just to get his company 🥰 S would ask for tips on health and sports I would gape at 🏹

He has got angry at me for landing at his corner on a whim. Another time for forcing him to eat something beyond his exposure of foods. He liked a clean desk so I always had to be careful not to stain it. Else I was handed out a napkin to clean. 

BUT the FIRST most audacious thing that I did was to write to him an outpouring of my emotions, my dreams and life with him in the future…

Sadly you know the result !

I haven’t stopped being audacious as you can see. I called him up in 2021. No answer as he had spine surgery that time. Then again in 2024 when we spoke ! 

In my audacity, I challenge him to be decisive. Else what is the use of my audacity?