Why this sudden eruption ?

After I returned from Bangalore in 2012. After the heartbreak and heart incident. I wonder if he ever got the news? 

I quit the Corporate job and felt insecure about life and being single. Dad was aging too. Every one was telling me to move on. I was very angry 😡 because my dreams had shattered more than once ! 

Destiny had other plans. I got married. Unfortunately Arvi passed away too soon in just 2 yrs 10 months of our marriage. We were introduced a 1yr before marriage. It had a lot of lows and fewer highs. His health was bad and not monitored. When we did find out that his heart was on very low LVEF there was nothing we could do. However I ensured there was a doctor available on call when we travelled. On the night before he passed away he poured his heart out to me of all the struggles in his life. He told me his wishes and that he loved me. I think that is what I earned in my marriage !

My attempt to accept life as handed out and making peace with it continued. 

In just 3 months I started getting proposals for remarriage. I was completely done with men. I did not want to be carrying the whole burden in a marriage. I did not want anyone who was dependent on me to do all the chores at home, feed and take care of a man ! 

Plus most people carried past baggage. I did not want a broken man. 

That is when I started thinking of 🏹 again !

He was someone who would do things for me. I craved that protection, safety and trust. There are so many things I am not comfortable mentioning here even if I have listed out those very things in my mind. 

Then there are so many things I told about 🏹 to my husband. My husband being a good man would feel bad that my dream was shattered. I had found a great friend in Arvi as a husband. 

Then when I started travelling solo all my deeply buried thoughts surfaced up. I think about 🏹 all the time. It has led to Quantum consciousness. Like when after 11 yr gap I called, he was undergoing spine surgery. We did not talk then. Ever since I have been wanting to take care of him. It’s a dominant feeling. I just want to be around him. 

Then I called again in May 2024. We were talking to each other after 13 yrs. It felt magical 🥰 I could not believe it!  It had happened ✨

Life is such a surprise. None of the past can be changed. What control do I have over my life ? Who knows what’s in the future ?

What I feel is our deep connection. There are unprocessed feelings that need to be sorted. 

Meanwhile I am experiencing this. He 🏹 said he too has become more spiritual. Infact this was what was common between us right from the beginning. For him Orthodox Astrology was base for me simply Bhakti. I sometimes wonder how we would have been growing together on the spiritual path?

DOES MY AUTHENTICITY MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE ?