Dushyant never wrote

I was looking for an image for this post. 

Today the thought is that I don’t have a single thing handwritten by 🏹

It’s so sad. In today’s world no one writes hand written notes then forget love letters.

Since we were computer users it was only emails. Plus we followed the protocol. I did break it only at the last. 

So when I googled I find only Shakuntala doing Patralekhan. Should I now go find a lotus leaf 🪷 ?

LoveLettersToM

📱 view

LoveLettersToM is a new label 🏷️ on the blog. 

In the mobile 📱 view you can choose from the drop down menu.

In the Web view it is the last tab on the navigation bar on top right.

This is the collection of memories of M & me written in 2026. It is the treasure trove I am leaving on this blog for M. Incase he ever reads it. 

He has everything he ever wanted. This is the only thing he would want and need when he is retired and sits quietly reflecting on life. Because He can never forget this ANJALI !

The old posts between 2008-2011 mentions W ( which is inverted M) a code I used in those times. I also mention Gulabi and Aadiriyedath. So much of real time history! 

I have some wonderful photos I took of him, young and handsome as ever in 2009. So many more from other times. One particular from the milestone when we took the car delivery. A Precious Sweet memory. If I did not have that picture this whole history would be turned invalid by my own friends.

Who knows what is in the future ?  Until then I will keep writing as I recall. 

All Kinds of Love

I have loved so many people. Taken care of cousins, uncles and aunts but no one is in touch with me today. The cousins are manipulative. So I am keeping them at bay. 

I have not been successful in Romantic love in life. 

Yet there are few friends who stand strong with me. Always a phone call away and come over just so we can chat up. Aditya & Anushka have become घरचे now. Omkar drops by when he can. That breaks my forced मौन व्रत. 

Last 10 days I had a guest. This young man is what we call a genuine human being. Right from the first day I learnt how to live a conscious life from him. He is honest with his emotions. He is articulate and that gives a special touch to his honesty. He was always eager to help me. Appreciated every little thing I did for him. Took care never to encroach on my private space. He conducted himself so consciously that I felt safe. A day before moving out he cooked for me and a friend. We had a small dinner to celebrate his renting out an apartment of his own. He from a different continent. Gave me so much care and love. Makes me value this so much. I feel he is my son and today we celebrated Rakshabandhan. He said I want to do all of this for you! 🥹 

I don’t understand the ways of the Universe! 

Tijori.ai at IdeaBaaz

Proud of my cousin Prashant Dhonde ! 

Onam Ashamsakal

Onam Ashamsakal 🏹 M🌹 my love !

I worked out today and was so tired so rested in the afternoon but made sure I cleaned the home. Lit the lamp and made a small pookalam. 

Today Onam celebration was unusual. No Ona Sadya like I do every year. I did wear white for the Kerelam theme though. No matter how many people I am surrounded by you are always on my mind. 🥹

Hope you had a good one. 

I AM AUDACIOUS

Yeah I AM AUDACIOUS ! At my age of 56 I DARE TO DREAM.

Flash back…

So with all the attention I received from 🏹🌹I was so thrilled ! 

Until his Dad’s visit home everything seemed smooth. After that he started to distance from me. 

It is not that I did not see his faults before. He was an introvert rarely spoke to anyone. Inspite of being excellent at technology he rarely spoke in meetings unlike me 😉 One day he even said to me know where to spend effort 😬

He avoided crowded cafeterias and was always among the first one to go for lunch. I would know exactly where to find him 😇 if not my jasoos always sent me clues. There was a junior S who admired him and we both went in search of him sometimes just to get his company 🥰 S would ask for tips on health and sports I would gape at 🏹

He has got angry at me for landing at his corner on a whim. Another time for forcing him to eat something beyond his exposure of foods. He liked a clean desk so I always had to be careful not to stain it. Else I was handed out a napkin to clean. 

BUT the FIRST most audacious thing that I did was to write to him an outpouring of my emotions, my dreams and life with him in the future…

Sadly you know the result !

I haven’t stopped being audacious as you can see. I called him up in 2021. No answer as he had spine surgery that time. Then again in 2024 when we spoke ! 

In my audacity, I challenge him to be decisive. Else what is the use of my audacity?

The Astrologer’s Grandson

There are just so many reasons to LOVE 🏹🌹. The most fascinating for me is his brain. 

He 🏹 would always take pride in saying he was like his grandfather, a respected astrologer in their native land.

🏹 is very mathematical in his thinking and so naturally attracted to astrology. In addition it’s in his DNA. They say genes skip generations. His Dad isn’t into astrology but 🏹 is very passionate about it. 

I know because he did my car comparatives back in 2009. Meticulously he worked on it. Gave me good advice when I thought of different options beyond the ones he compared and also updated me on new models after that. I still have that comparative sheet and our email exchange about it. 

Interestingly I happen to go through that treasure and it made me smile a lot. It has soft voices and emotions embedded in those. Memories of a shared closeness.

The grandson 🏹 of the astrologer loved to carry forward the legendary name. He gave me several options of Muhurats the auspicious times for taking the car delivery. 

He was part of everything from going to see the car models to doing test drives, booking and ofcourse accepting the delivery! Read here how thrilled I was that time. It is my precious memory now. 

{Why did he do it for me? He was already busy in his role at work. I was special to him ! }

मंतरलेले दिवस ते ! मी हट्ट धरला आणि त्याने पुरवला 😘😘😘

He expressed his fondness for me through many things. I am careful here with the words I am using. Because I cannot say things on his behalf right? I can only say what I experienced and for me that was an expression of LOVE! 

There were many ways he expressed himself. Some things I understood and other things I didn’t because I was inexperienced. This blog has documented everything and me a buddhu 🤪 took many years after to understand what it meant ! 

I remember being perplexed by something and I told D. She gently told me to be open to nature.

I digressed as usual. So coming back to astrology. It became such a part of my life for the few years when we were close. He would tell me when I should make strategic moves at work. When to lie low. When to allow the noise to fade out. For the first time in my life I was learning words like Rahu Kalam ! 

He taught me many things. How he loved teaching me about everything under the sun. Our discussions were always interesting never a dull moment. I had watched him become impatient with others if they did not grasp technology stuff. Never with me.

There was a time when I would even release my newsletters on muhurats suggested by 🏹

I would tell him that all time is good time as God has made it. According to Shree Gondavalekar Maharaj anything we start with remembering our Ishtha devata was a good time. I would follow 🏹 guidelines because it meant so much to him. 

He has proved now 2 decades later in several personal life events that he has been successful in applying astrology along with single minded focus and dedication to achieve material success!

It makes him such a great strategist. Not for nothing his mathematical brain has done so many innovations for the world. ⚫️ 

Inspite of rising up he remains the most humble. He is still the same.

I revered him then and even more so now! 

I miss being around him terribly! 

Astrology Predictions

I was still in school when Mahadeo Kaka’s friend Sudhir Mhatre read my palm ✋🏽 and made predictions. He had a proven record of perfect predictions made about Devaki Kaki. So kaka asked him to study my palm ✋🏽 

After 40yrs I can say they were very precise. 

So in a way I can say I know my future too in one aspect. That gives me assurance. 

In the other aspect I think 🤔 it is open ended. 

I am wondering 🤔 if 🏹 studied my birth chart too?

Bubble & I

Bubble & I

I visited him yesterday. As he opened the door he said, where have you been? I missed you!  

I hugged and kissed him and told him I miss him too. 

Why don’t you stay here? I don’t get to play with you. 

It’s hard for him to understand the pressures of the Adult world. Yet I stated the facts. 

Hope Bubble keeps the innocence as long as he can and wish I get his love and adoration for long…

3 Tea bags

Image from the internet

That pic is so close to my memory of 🏹🌹 making tea for me. One day he said come I will take you to a special place. So when we got there he said let me make tea for you. I make good tea ! 

He took 3 teabags poured hot water over it, steeped the bags till a nice fragrant aroma filled us and a golden brew was made. Adding some hot milk. Stirred the sugar in after asking me how much? Then handed the white cup with the rainbow flower logo into my hands. Let’s go down to the balcony he said. 

In the corner we stood talking about our lives. About the challenges we faced and how we were coping. I still remember he was wearing a light grey shirt and a darker grey cotton pant. I was wearing a white salwar kurta with a gossamer chunni. That balcony overlooked an amphitheater lined with palms. In the morning when not many people were around in the campus it was very beautiful. Still carrying the morning mist, cool breeze blowing against our warm skin. Goosebumps.

I want it all over again. 

This is a memory I cherish. In life 🏹 is the only man who made tea for me other than my Dad !

Emotions don’t lie

A voice is a great carrier of emotions 🖤

The way you say his name 🏹🌹immediately connects to the heart ♥️ makes him into a puddle. 

The change from a formal to a quiver in his voice gives away a decade plus of pent up emotions. There is no way anyone can hide it. 

It is an assurance the body gives to both the spark is still alive ✨

I remember how calm I felt after that conversation. It was just so magical 🌹

He updated me about his life at work. I was outdated on that front. Then he told me about his spine surgery. That his daughter is now a doctor. She took care of him when he had spine surgery. That his dad is aging gracefully. That he wanted to meet me. We don’t mouth the obvious words when you feel it deeply. No? 

The following couple of calls over 2 days when we were trying to meet sadly he was in HYD when I was almost flying out of  BLR.

I even offered to return and I will do it anytime to see him. 

Longing. Praying to see him soon.

Love Needs No Permission

A core memory from Aug 2008

Love needs NO PERMISSION. 

Did he ask me when he said something to me on the trek that night ?

I held back. 

But once I accepted my feelings I did NOT need his permission to LOVE him.

D says it has to be mutual. Right mutual when it goes beyond the mind and dreams and becomes physical. 

Well when you are two people who don’t take it there on a whim. It stays in the dreams.

A case of being too good, compliant individuals of social norms. 

Such people struggle thru life. We only learn SELF CONTROL. 

Let it SHINE

We are destined to be together in the UNIVERSE.

Let the inner light SHINE.

Give because it is your Nature

My name is ANJALI and that has lent its characteristics to me as a person. 🤲🏽 those are the offering palms. 

It is easy to give I feel. It’s second nature for me to GIVE. 

Resistance takes more effort right ? 

You want to GIVE but you are holding it back. How hard that is ! 

Even Dams that hold hectares of water have to allow overflows sometimes…

Readapting Learnings

That is my debonair Dad !

Hard to follow in his footsteps. What he achieved in life is really remarkable. He was an administrator with MH Govt. He was also a certified Yoga therapist from Kaivalyadham college in Lonavala. Had a parallel Yoga practice. In the mornings he taught yoga to the crème la crème of Mumbai in 1970-80s. Co-founded MH govt’s Yoga Kendra for employees and ran it for 2 decades till in service. Plus came home and helped me with studies. How did he manage so much?

How I hated Dad being so busy. He was extremely disciplined in eating, health and managing time. I did not want to work so hard ever. From him I learnt to earn enough and retire early. I hated his clock work lifestyle!

It is said we fall in love with a man of the same kind as our Dad 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ahem ! That is exactly how 🏹 is !!!

If both of them ask me what did you learn from us? 

It will be this…

1. Create time slots for every thing you want to do in a day or on weekends and holidays.

2. Do everything you like. Duties, hobbies, experiences etc.

3. Minimum social interaction.

4. High performing. Something I limited in my life.

5. Dad was debonair 🏹 needs to buckle up 😉

6. Most importantly both focused single minded on health. I am a black sheep🙅🏻‍♀️

7. Dad ate little but loved his sweets. His mantra was eat 80% of stomach full. 🏹 He doesn’t like to eat. His famous dialogue is “eat to live”. 

8. Both are spiritual but different paths.

{Dad loved me and was my support till his last breath. 

🏹 did not choose me. I can never forgive his Dad for coming to my home and jeopardising whatever we had between us while maintaining a halo 😇 That’s a fact ! Yet that didn’t change my feelings. They have stayed intact till date. His Dad should regret his actions. Yes I am able to say this now after 2 decades of suffering.}

In recent years I have lost all the discipline I ever had. So I have decided to bring back structure in my life. I have decided to socialise more because I need it. So I have joined a culture club through which I get to attend music events, wonderful lectures, poetry sessions etc. It is now 13 years since I take up assignments only if I enjoy doing them which is rare. I flip between well dressed and casual. Will try to follow Dad in that matter. Got back to CrossFit and will stay on it for my own good🤞🏽Eating is indulgence for me. What to do NO ONE LOVES ME ? 😿 It’s hardest to change my relationship with food. 

READAPT LIKE THE RIVER IN ITS FLOW. 

What I learnt from my life?

What life has taught me?

Happiness is within. I am a happy person.

I was just in 4th standard when I remember my Dad took us, Aai n me to Gondavale. Ever since Shree Gondavalekar Maharaj’s teaching have guided us. 

My father went to Malad for 25 years to listen to Professor K V Belsare’s lectures on Dnyaneshwari and Shree Maharaj. What he listened to he would come home and share with us. Dad read the daily pravachan and Shree’s biography every year during Punyatithi Utsav. 

Professor KVB lovingly addressed as Belsare at first and then over the years as Baba Belsare was a professor of Logic & Philosophy in Mumbai. We were blessed to have him as mentor. It continues through his several books and literature. 

This has been a HUGE influence in my life. 

There have been incidents that made me dejected and sad but I am still able to have a happy heart. 

I have lost my Aai, Husband and Dad to death. Especially Dad is my biggest loss! 

I have lost relatives due to our differences in thinking.

I have had heartbreaks. People blame those who suffer multiple heartbreaks. But don’t realise that even in arranged marriages the boy and girl goes through a process of meeting MULTIPLE alliances before settling for one. It is the same in LOVE. The whole process is about finding compatibility by elimination!

I have seen both matchmaking and LOVE. I recommend LOVE. Trust me traditional matchmaking was a terrible experience NO GIRL should go through!!!

Being the woman that I am my father always told me I don’t require a man !

Obviously he meant men who came from regressive backgrounds. 

In my life my choice of men changed over time. First I tried to fit in. Then I knew exactly what I wanted. Yet when I married I accepted things that were very regressive initially BUT I worked on changing things. My husband changed slowly. Accepting what was right. It was also because of the commitment I had in our husband-wife relationship. Else it isn’t easy to change old habits.

That is how life is lived. Fix things and keep the work in progress. Nothing is permanent or a line carved in stone. 

I myself have evolved over time. At the core I am a seeker of happiness. 

Materialistically especially in school we were taught to choose a rich man and we were trained to be a good wife, keep a beautiful home, cook every ones favorite food, entertain and breed children. I realise now, how regressive that was ! 

I never was like that. I chose intelligent men. Men who made their own life better. Who knew how to live. In marriage somethings were not true nor were they perfect. I knew what I had chosen so there was no chance to complain. We worked on the challenges. 

Who ever I loved in my life have a lasting influence. Undeniably they were part of my life. I don’t understand how people deny having past lives? 

I identify with a sunflower 🌻 always facing the sun and blooming. Finding my happiness even after episodes of sadness. They are but only episodes right?

Like recently was listening to Prof K V Belsare’s discourse where he narrates Shree Maharaj saying, “There  is absolutely NO reason to be sad in life. If you are unhappy then it should be about FORGETTING GOD !”

I am truly blessed I have such a mentor who continues to guide me even after his passing away in 1998. I have been fortunate to have got his blessing and one on one time which has left an indelible impact on me. 

🙇🏻‍♀️🌹🙇🏻‍♀️🌹🙇🏻‍♀️🌹

AND FINALLY when it’s not SPIRITUALITY it is RAJ YOG that I am lucky to enjoy ☺️ 😉

He is Precious

Born on 28 October 

Every one trying to tell me I am giving him too much value. 

I should know. He is Precious. 

The side of him that I have seen others have not seen.

He is the most humble person I have known. Inspite of actually doing a lot he always stays away from limelight.

I can sing endless praises but you will blame me of being biased.

I have received a lot of kindness. I don’t want to say anything more.

If I have not been able to forget him for 2 decades is it possible now ?

Life will go on. He will continue to dazzle the world.

In my corner I will continue to cheer him on the loudest !

Keeping him in my prayers always 🙏🏽🌹 

May he be protected from the evil eye. 🧿 

हळवं मन

I have been listening to a lot of music since past 2 months. Especially Marathi songs because they have beautiful meaning. While I had cried at the theatre after watching Bhirrr I have never really cried. 

Just now I was listening to these songs and I felt a warm tear roll down my cheek. Some memories some feelings and a longing to see him. 

I will continue writing ✍️ someday AI will find this and its intended recipient may read it. 

I won’t say it here. It’s only for your ears 🏹🌹

Why this sudden eruption ?

After I returned from Bangalore in 2012. After the heartbreak and heart incident. I wonder if he ever got the news? 

I quit the Corporate job and felt insecure about life and being single. Dad was aging too. Every one was telling me to move on. I was very angry 😡 because my dreams had shattered more than once ! 

Destiny had other plans. I got married. Unfortunately Arvi passed away too soon in just 2 yrs 10 months of our marriage. We were introduced a 1yr before marriage. It had a lot of lows and fewer highs. His health was bad and not monitored. When we did find out that his heart was on very low LVEF there was nothing we could do. However I ensured there was a doctor available on call when we travelled. On the night before he passed away he poured his heart out to me of all the struggles in his life. He told me his wishes and that he loved me. I think that is what I earned in my marriage !

My attempt to accept life as handed out and making peace with it continued. 

In just 3 months I started getting proposals for remarriage. I was completely done with men. I did not want to be carrying the whole burden in a marriage. I did not want anyone who was dependent on me to do all the chores at home, feed and take care of a man ! 

Plus most people carried past baggage. I did not want a broken man. 

That is when I started thinking of 🏹 again !

He was someone who would do things for me. I craved that protection, safety and trust. There are so many things I am not comfortable mentioning here even if I have listed out those very things in my mind. 

Then there are so many things I told about 🏹 to my husband. My husband being a good man would feel bad that my dream was shattered. I had found a great friend in Arvi as a husband. 

Then when I started travelling solo all my deeply buried thoughts surfaced up. I think about 🏹 all the time. It has led to Quantum consciousness. Like when after 11 yr gap I called, he was undergoing spine surgery. We did not talk then. Ever since I have been wanting to take care of him. It’s a dominant feeling. I just want to be around him. 

Then I called again in May 2024. We were talking to each other after 13 yrs. It felt magical 🥰 I could not believe it!  It had happened ✨

Life is such a surprise. None of the past can be changed. What control do I have over my life ? Who knows what’s in the future ?

What I feel is our deep connection. There are unprocessed feelings that need to be sorted. 

Meanwhile I am experiencing this. He 🏹 said he too has become more spiritual. Infact this was what was common between us right from the beginning. For him Orthodox Astrology was base for me simply Bhakti. I sometimes wonder how we would have been growing together on the spiritual path?

DOES MY AUTHENTICITY MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE ? 

I Will Always Stay The Same !

I Will Always Stay The Same ! Someone said this to me. I being mature enough to know I just smiled and said, “I do want you to be the same.”

It is intrinsic to nature to change. Seasons change.

This conversation I recollect today because that Someone lives rent free in my heart n soul. 

It was one year when he was running in the marathon on 2 Oct he had a ligament tear. He did not rest. He would hop around everywhere at work. Very adamant as he is always. 

I still remember the glass corner cabin where we were sitting and he got up to go for our team meet. I scolded him and told him to stay at home for a bit. He cheekily said, “I will be the same when I grow old!” rubbishing me with the shake of his hand. 

Yeah I have an elephant’s memory. I remember the minutest details of our time together and our conversations.

Proud to see him well preserved though life has added a slight rounded appearance with 20yrs passing by. 

I continue to cherish him.